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June 23rd, 2009

Librarian's Daughter

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otherside
Snagged from [info]chaila43

Don’t take too long to think about it.
Fifteen books you’ve read that will always stick with you.
First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes.
Copy the instructions into your own post


In The Order They Occured To Me: )

Looking at that list, you'd think I hadn't read anything new since I was fourteen.

What strikes me, actually, is how much the books I read before I hit high school have stayed with me. Some on the list I haven't read since I was ten, others I've re-read a hundred times. Some I look back on and am unsure I even like. Others I find myself wanting to reach for to re-read Right Now. (If anyone has a copy of Unicorns In The Rain they'd be willing to gift, I'd be forever in your debt. My copy disappeared in a move several years back.)

Fred

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dw - Eight - Reality Blurs
We saw The Soloist tonight. Good movie, depressing as hell. What's more, it has me thinking about one of those people I haven't thought about in almost a decade.

When I was a kid, custody arrangements changed often. At my dad's house, in addition to my sister and I there were two stepbrothers, a stepsister, and a step-stepsister, as it were. (My stepmother's ex-husband's daughter who chose to live with my stepmother rather than either of her biological parents).

In addition to the six of us kids, somehow friends came and went rather fluidly, sometimes staying a night, sometimes staying six months.

One of those friends was Fred. Fred was my older stepbrother's friend, and I still don't know how they met. I do know that Fred was older than any of us kids, homeless, and schizophrenic. He was also a gifted pianist, writer, and artist who had been attending Princeton on a full-ride scholarship until the disease kicked in when he was a sophomore.

Fred was one of the gentlest creatures I've ever known. Sweet, funny, warm, and kind. As my stepmother put it, there were two things that made Fred different to the rest of us: Fred was a better person than any of us were, and when Fred spoke to his fingers, they spoke back.

Sometimes Fred would be around for a few months, sometimes months would go by and no one would hear from him. More than once, my dad and stepmother spoke on his behalf (with his permission) with doctors, social workers, intake personnel, etc. Yet Fred could never quite manage to stay on his meds, and the meds dulled him so badly that I could hardly blame him.

Fred would disappear and we never knew where he went, but somehow he always found his way back. My stepmother moved out of the house a few years ago, and tonight, watching this movie, all I wanted to do was cry. I can't stop thinking about Fred now, wondering where he'll go when a stranger answers the door.

If you're ever in Berkeley, especially around the intersection of Telegraph and Oregon (by the Looking Glass camera shop), keep an eye out for a light-skinned 30-something black man talking to his fingers. If you've got it to spare, offer to share a meal with him. He's one of the kindest people you'll ever meet.

May 11th, 2009

Sick Day

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roslin's watching snow dogs
I'm curled up on [info]hailpoetry's couch sick. Not so much sick as recovering from sick, I suppose. I spent several hours last night vomiting up my existence, and now I just feel weak, drained, and dehydrated. I suspect this is due to, you know, dehydration. Rather than attempt to do the things I had planned for today, I decided to revel in my sickness and take a day off. Which is why I'm curled up on [info]hailpoetry's couch playing on the interwebs and eating whatever non-pizza crap I could get delivered.

Speaking of playing on the interwebs, I tend not to ever finish filling out the questions for most memes, but [info]nnaylime posted one that required nothing but filling in my birthdate, and even I can manage two drop-downs.

This is disturbing but in some ways entirely too true. )

Now I'm sorely tempted to drag the iMac DV that I hacked and got up and running a few nights ago downstairs so I can play old video games from my spot on the couch. Hmmm.

May 4th, 2009

(no subject)

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don't you cry no more
My semester is over. 4.0, baybe. And a damn hard-earned 4.0 at that. As I told [info]hailpoetry's mom this morning: Yeah, I'm back.

In spite of my semester being over, I'm sitting in my car on campus trying to force myself to get up, go inside, buy a beverage so I can take meds, and talk with the coordinator of the testing center to see what the procedure is for CLEP registration. It occurred to me that there are about 30 credits of gen-eds that I've been avoiding because I Fucking Know This Shit and, uh, I can test out of them.

I also need to stop at the bookstore and copy the ISBN of the text for my summer geology class so I can order it from somewhere that doesn't add 20% to the price, stop by career services, and clean out my office and turn in the key until fall.

The key thing is ridiculous. I have to turn in my key, but I can still access the office during the summer. I just need to request that someone from the police department open the door for me. In short, it's a ridiculous thing, because it does nothing but add a totally unnecessary step. It would be one thing if I couldn't access the office, but I can. I just can't, you know, do it in a way that doesn't create more work for other people. (I shouldn't bitch too much, I suppose, considering that my office is all of 50 yards from the police department, but it's the principle of the thing.

I'm contemplating a drive up to Chicago tomorrow to see [info]tamorapierce, and also contemplating kidnapping [info]hailpoetry and [info]rossaka for this trip.

There's other drama going on, but I'd prefer not to get into it in a public forum because, frankly, there's no way I can get into it without hurting someone I care about and I'd just as soon not.

Meanwhile, does anyone know if there's a way to set a facebook default that prevents other people from tagging you in photos? Going through and untagging myself is getting old and I prefer that there not be photographs of me in public forums on the internets. (I'm seriously contemplating just up and leaving facebook altogether, it seems that the only thing I login to do is play games and untag photos.)

May 1st, 2009

Things of Noye

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Dw - Time & Space

1. [info]hailpoetry has a brand new car that is made of awesome and she let me drive it back from seeing Stephen Sondheim speak in Bloomington tonight.

2. Sondheim does a wicked Katherine Hepburn impression.

3. The Qdoba on Bardstown Road is open 24 hours on weekends. This is an amazing and dangerous thing.

4. I hate Derby.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

April 29th, 2009

My Day Off

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attack mode
Dear Universe,

I have been living according to someone else's schedule since January. Since January I have been unable to eat, sleep, wake, or shower when I would like to do but have instead had to ensure that if I chose to eat, sleep, wake, or shower that my choices would not interfere with someone else's ability to be where they needed to be and when they needed to be there.

I managed this as best I could while also juggling a rough semester and doing Someone Else's Job (for which they received the credit, naturally) to pull off the most successful event the organization has ever hosted.

So, dear universe, when I finally have a day that doesn't require me to run from point A to point B, when I finally have all of my papers in, meetings attended, and e-mails sent...

You seriously had to get someone to do some kind of construction work RIGHT OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM WINDOW and prevent me from being able to comfortably curl up and relax?

You've got a sick sense of humor.

No Love,
Me

April 22nd, 2009

Arizona v. Gant

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Dw - Time & Space
It always weirds me out when I find myself in 100% agreement with Scalia.

In other news, I have one more class to attend this semester but, save showing up and pretending to listen to other students' presentations, my semester is over.

I feel like I should celebrate.

April 7th, 2009

About damn time

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Dw - Time & Space

I just put the final receipt for distribution of my portion of my father's estate in the mail to the estate attorney. As far as I'm concerned, the estate is closed. Thank fucking God.

Somehow I wonder if it wouldn't have been more poetic to wait until Thursday, which will be the two year anniversary of his death.

I'm not sure if I should cry or celebrate.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

April 4th, 2009

(no subject)

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*headdesk*
I have a vague memory of, during the course of moving, offering someone on my flist my extra copy of Nine And Counting.

I've since found it, and it's been sitting in my bag for two days. Yet I cannot for the life of me remember which one of you had expressed an interest in it.

So yeah. Anyone want to raise their hand as having been promised a free book?

April 2nd, 2009

(no subject)

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dw - Eight - Reality Blurs
I need to take more 36-hour trips. [info]hailpoetry and I left for Chicago when she got off work last night, arrived a bit before midnight, made a stop to see her brother in middle-of-nowhere, Illinois, and got home a little while ago. While the 4am arrival is harsh, to say the least, the trip itself was exactly what I needed to clear my head and regain my focus.

Of course, it's now 5am and I have to be up in 3 hours but am so hopped up on caffeine that I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep, but that's my own damn fault and what's more, I'm okay with that.

Tomorrow there shall be meetings and reports and driving and bank errands but, if the text I got earlier from [info]ninkasa means what I think it does, I can say something I've been waiting to say for two years:

The work on my father's estate has been completed.

With that in mind, it doesn't phase me that I have to be up in 3 hours and that I have meetings to attend, reports to finish writing, and a million and one things to do tomorrow.

All I can think about is the fact that I'll never have to think about the bloody estate again and that, if you look at it from the right angle, Seurat's Sunday On The Island Of La Grande Jatte shines and shimmers like metal and diamonds.

[info]hailpoetry and I went to the Chicago Art Institute today and we must have spent half an hour or more just staring at that one painting. I'm not a museum person and I'm not a visual art person, but there's something about that painting. I very nearly cried in the middle of a crowded gallery, and would have done, but for the six billion children running around and distracting me. I can admire a piece of art for its aesthetic appeal, but I've never been so deeply affected by a painting before. And yet.

It's been a favorite of mine since I was a little girl, and I know it better than any other piece of art. Yet today I realized that I could spend a full day doing nothing but examining that canvas without ever growing bored or running out of new things to discover about it.

I'm already trying to figure out when I can find that full day in my schedule for another trip. Of course, sleep would probably benefit me more at the moment but... I imagine that it's a bit like Dana's Lion King moment, but with a painting instead of, you know, The Lion King.

[info]hailpoetry, [info]ninkasa, [info]rossaka, any of you down for a trip to Chicago in May?

March 22nd, 2009

1) I only just now realized that 'spring break' means 'time off.'

2) I actually really liked the BSG finale.

3) 30 Rock continues to make me believe that Tina Fey has a direct link into the brains of [info]rossaka, [info]hailpoetry, [info]ninkasa and myself.

4) I managed to get out of IKEA without spending money on anything frivolous.

5) I turned Christmas giftcards into a pair of jeans (in a size 4!), a shirt, and a few pair of underwear. I now own several things that actually fit me, and I didn't have to spend much money to get them.

6) [info]hailpoetry and I stopped at Half Price books between dinner and a movie Friday night. (Duplicity, which was fun. It was as if someone finally realized that "smart" and "chick flick" need not be mutually exclusive concepts.) I wanted to grab a few LPs for craft projects, which I did. The important thing, however, is that aside from the records, I only spent eight bucks on things I wasn't planning to buy, and I think both were reasonable purchases. I bought this shirt in grey for five bucks. Hooray for yet another item of clothing that fits me. I also bought a first edition of We Are All in the Dumps with Jack and Guy. I collect first edition Sendak books, and this one is in mint condition. Not bad for three dollars.

7) In spite of 'spring break' meaning 'time off' I'm actually heading over to campus in a minute to get some work done on a paper that's not due until April 20th. Considering I'm the girl who writes everything the night before it's due, I'm quite impressed with myself.

8) I'm thinking about making Chicken Tikka Masala from scratch this week. [info]hailpoetry, you interested?

9) [info]ninkasa and I have been selling stuff at the flea market where I used to work this month. So far, it's proven more profitable than having a real job. I'm okay with being self-employed when I can make this kind of money.

10) Most importantly, it's warm enough to wear flip flops.

March 20th, 2009

Dear March,

You were a douchebag to me and most of the people I know. Some of them even went so far as to fire you. I was reserving judgement.

Sure, you threw a lot at me that made me think that my friends were right to sentence you so harshly, but I was trying to be the bigger person. I handled all your crap pretty damn well. I figured that maybe you were just testing me and so I rose to the challenge. No way were you getting the better of me, I thought. I was going to beat your evil ways and prove to you that you're a sniveling little fuck with no power to get me down.

Oh, how arrogant I was.

I took every punch you dealt and got back up off the mat only to hit right back. I was even proactive enough to anticipate your next move and hit you before you got the chance to knock me out of the ring.

You're a sneaky little bastard, March. I had no idea that you'd been holding back.

Well guess what, March. I may be down right now, but I am dragging myself up again. At least, I'm trying to do.

In the meantime, I'm joining the chorus and firing your ass. If it were up to me, you'd never work on this planet again.

No love,
Me

March 13th, 2009

No Words

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Tina Fey - Fail
University of Louisville Student Expelled for Posts on MySpace.

I need to find a copy of the U of L nursing school's honor code tomorrow.

Once again, I find myself relieved that I didn't wind up at U of L.

March 8th, 2009

(no subject)

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get to work (vipers)
To Do Today, In No Particular Order:

  • Take Meds
  • Find Physics book
  • Read for Physics and get caught up on homework
  • Write paper for Philosophy
  • Finish stupid worksheet for Philosophy
  • Read for Theory
  • Work on outline for Theory
  • Find decent (preferably free) personal finance software for Mac
  • Shelve books at home
  • Laundry

What I have done today:

  • Took [info]ninkasa's old dining room table + chairs to the land o' flea market and stuck a price tag on it.
  • Paid way too much for a latte I don't need and a piece of black forest coffee cake that I need even less.
  • Forgotten to take meds when I got up, forgotten to take meds when I opened a beverage in the car, forgotten to take meds when I bought a beverage to get me from the land o' flea market to the land o' overpriced coffee.
  • Thought about the fact that I'm so far behind in this season of Damages that I don't even know how far behind I am.
  • Got caught up on the BSG-related posts to my flist, now that I'm caught up on BSG, and found myself Just Not Caring. Realized that I've had too much going on in real life to devote much time to fandom.
  • Contemplated ending my friendship with a fairly good friend over his inability to hear me when I articulate my needs. Decided that hanging up on him the other day was a good start.
  • Contemplated procrastinating on school for another week in favor of getting the apartment a bit more together and making veggie chili tonight.
  • Contemplated procrastinating on school and apartment stuff in favor of going back to sleep.
  • Rambled at LJ about my inability to get stuff done today.


From this, I can figure out two things:
  • Clearly, I need to take meds.
  • Given how little I'm getting done in the land o' over-priced coffee, perhaps I would do well to get up and head over to campus where I can lock my office door, pull out the electric kettle, blast Ravel through the iPod dock, and hope that the lack of Other People will help me focus a bit better.

...And now the guy next to me at the land o' overpriced coffee is practically screaming about how perfect Bush's policies were for this country and how it's totally unfair to say that the current state of the nation's economy has anything to do with the economic policy of the administration in power at the time that the economic crisis began.

Time to go.

March 2nd, 2009

It's a pretty well-known fact that I'm a hard, fast, proud member of the Cult of Mac. Mind you, my preferred platform is simply a preference and I recognize that. This means I must subject myself to higher hardware prices, fewer options, and Steve Jobs' personal whims and design choices. My preferences don't need to be the same as the rest of the world, and in fact many, many people out there disagree with me as to the wonder that is Mac OS X. I can appreciate the fact that some people are happy to use computer that runs Windows as its primary OS. Of course, I'd argue that my Mac can do that perfectly well thankyouverymuch and would also point out that I'm fairly expert at troubleshooting Macs and considerably less expert at diagnosing and fixing their PC brothers. That having been said, I'd argue that for someone who wants to run Windows, shelling out the extra cash for a Mac is a waste of money.

Which brings me to the point of this post. My new roommate, [info]ninkasa, has started saving her money to buy a laptop. She's one of those strange people who actually likes Windows. I don't understand this preference, but I can respect it. Especially because I like shopping for other people and offering advise on tech purchases and [info]ninkasa's laptop fund allows me to shop vicariously. Too, when [info]ninkasa has a laptop then my entire posse will be a laptop driven posse and we can all compute together. What's more, [info]ninkasa is a writer. She should have a laptop.

The trouble is, I have no idea how to go about advising someone on the purchase of a Windows machine. One thing I like about Apple is that, for all that my options are limited, my options are limited. There's one manufacturer. This is very much Not True in the Windows world.

The last time I seriously looked at PCs was in 2003, and my selected machine (a Dell Inspiron 5100) died a day out of warranty. I don't want to steer [info]ninkasa towards a machine that doesn't suit her needs or will cause her more trouble than it's worth.

So, dear Flist, with these things in mind, please help me waste time by shopping for something my roommate is not yet ready to buy.


  • [info]ninkasa is a writer. A good keyboard and stable machine capable of running Word without crashing is priority #1.
  • [info]ninkasa is an internet junkie and her rationale for excitement over having cable internet now is that YouTube will actually load.
  • Unlike me, [info]ninkasa doesn't use the Adobe Suite on a daily basis, nor does she dabble in video editing, sound editing, etc. I'm not sure, however, whether this is due to a lack of interest or simply a lack of ability to run the aforementioned programs on her current computer. (A desktop, specifically an HP Pavilion 510w). I suspect that she'd enjoy being able to make icons, macros, etc., so the ability to run Photoshop (or at least Elements) may or may not be something to consider.


Any current laptop will be an upgrade. That's a good thing.

The problem becomes determining how much of an upgrade to advise her to shell out the cash for. I'm the type of person who, when I can, has always bought the top-of-the-line computer. I was taught that the right computer was the most computer that you could afford. Since my dad died, this has meant top-of-the-line pro-level machines. [info]ninkasa doesn't need a top-of-the-line pro-level machine. I know this, and I don't want to advise her to shell out thousands of dollars when a few hundred dollars would serve her just as well. On the other hand, I don't want to advise her to spend a few hundred dollars if those few hundred dollars aren't being well spent.

Any of you Windows-lovers out there have some advise to offer as far as realistic specs necessary for the average computer user? Think RAM (how much of a hog is Windows nowadays?), processor (speed, cores, Intel v. AMD, etc.) , brands, price range, etc.? Anything to avoid?

I realize that Windows 7 is coming out relatively soon, and it may change the ballgame considerably, but right now, I like shiny new things and this lets me look at shiny new things. Shiny new things = way more fun than homework.
Things Of Note:

  • The move is over. By which I mean the old house is empty and clean and [info]rossaka, [info]hailpoetry, and I are all in our respective new homes, surrounded by boxes. [info]ninkasa is a saint for putting up with the boxes currently taking over our apartment. As is our NEW KITTY!
  • There will soon be pictures of Romana The Kitty. We've decided that, if we get a second cat, they can simply be One and Two.
  • As a means of dealing with the boxes of stuff, we've rented a booth at the flea market where [info]hailpoetry and I used to work. Yesterday we sold $275 worth of stuff we didn't want anymore in the course of several hours. There's more where that came from.
  • I also started sorting the massive amount of change that came from the old house. I have $95 in coin rollers now, and at least another $20 or so waiting for me to have another hour of TV. Considering the last month in the old house came with a $600 gas bill, I'm taking every penny I can get out of it.
  • The TV, DVD player, and TiVo are set up. These are, really, the important things.
  • I have managed to charge my phone and locate my lost computer charger.
  • I'm exhausted and every muscle in my body aches. If I could skip classes today, I would. Instead, I'm curled up in bed trying not to go back to sleep before the alarm goes off again at 10 to tell me it's time to shower and get my act together.
  • I don't want to think about how not ready I am for Doc's test or my other classes this week. I'm sucking it up and going anyway. The worst thing that happens is that I don't pull a 4.0 this semester.

February 27th, 2009

I hate moving. Hate it. I hate packing, I hate throwing things away, I hate having to attempt to create order from chaos. I hate having to visualize where things belong in a new space -- I have a really poor visual processing center, trying to operate visually is almost impossible for me.

That having been said, I love that feeling of accomplishment that comes after twelve hours of long, painstaking physical labor. That moment when you walk into your new room, look around at the pieces of your bed leaning up against the wall, the bags of clothing, boxes of books, and mattress lying on the floor and think to yourself oh, life is full of so much possibility. Then you promptly curl up on that mattress-on-the-floor and are asleep before you have time to think about how exhausted you are.

I still have a fair bit of stuff at the old house, but my bed now lives at [info]ninkasa's apartment, which I suppose means that I do as well. I have a hard time mentally processing things like, you know, moves.

But moving is exactly what has happened, and once we clear the rest of my stuff out of the old house today, I think I may take a few hours off to, oh, actually start studying for Monday's exam or something.

Still, I have moved. I have set up the cable internet. (Well, mostly -- I forgot to bring an extra ethernet cable to run from the router to [info]ninkasa's desktop, so I'm just running off ethernet right now and will set up the router later.) I can shower, dress, and breathe in my new space. I can curl up and watch BSG live tonight, and I think it will be the first time I've been home to watch it live since the season started. ([info]ninkasa, I can take over the living room for an hour to watch BSG, right?)

I have quite a bit to get done today, and in half an hour [info]rossaka and her brother will be here to help with all of that, but right now, I'm relaxing, dammit. Speaking of [info]rossaka and her brother, I forget sometimes how lucky I am.

[info]rossaka and her family, [info]hailpoetry and her family, [info]ninkasa, and various friends have been putting in huge numbers of hours all week to help carry, load, and shuttle the move of doom. (Three disorganized people's stuff mixed together in one house, all moving to three different places. It's been a mess.) [info]renquestor has been nothing but helpful and brilliantly flexible, willing to drive whenever and wherever he's been needed and to change plans at the sound of a ringing phone. A friend from the CLU's coming over at 3 today with his massive SUV of gas guzzling fuel inefficiency to help us get the last of everything. The IHOP monkey that bought my old CR-V has traded cars with me for the weekend so I have that to move things with instead of the Prius. I am surrounded by wonderful people who want to do whatever is needed, who are happy to offer help unbidden.

I've never had such a huge group of extended friends and family before, and though I've had one here for a while now, I don't think it really clicked until this week.

Three years ago, I moved here knowing [info]hailpoetry and [info]zessa. I was a stranger, and a lonely one at that. Somehow, I've connected with more people in those three years than I did in the twenty-four that preceded them. I'm really bloody lucky.

February 23rd, 2009

About Fucking Time

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30 Rock - Corkboard
As of the March 24, 2009 court date, my father's estate will be settled.

I'll be reimbursed for all claims I submitted.

My sister will be reimbursed for the claim she submitted. (This is one of the things that's been holding the estate up for so long; the attorney and the administrator wanted to argue that the claim she'd made was not the responsibility of the estate but rather of my ex-stepmother. It's a long story.)

The remainder of the estate will be disbursed in the manner that I first suggested a month after dad died.

In short, after spending the last two years in the middle of a war between the two sides of my family... I won.

If I was the sort of person who drank as a means of celebration, I'd be getting wasted tonight. As I'm not, I'm just taking a minute to be Really Fucking Happy and Relieved.

I feel like I've just had a two-ton weight lifted off my shoulders.

Yeah, I needed that today.

(no subject)

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roslin history repeating
I'm taking a theory class from my advisor, and he just postponed an exam because he has a tendency to go off on tangents. A lot.

With five minutes of class time left, and a lot to cover...

He's rambling on about how much he loves Matewan.

[info]nnaylime, what is it with awesome PoliSci faculty and Mary McDonnell movies?

February 22nd, 2009

Three Things

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Dw - Time & Space
1) There's a small church near our house that has a habit of putting amusing phrases on their signboard. Things like "Smile! It makes people wonder what you're up to!" Today, the sign read "Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines." I have no idea what that means.

2) I find myself having a similar WTF reaction to this NY Times article on the complexity of the FAFSA. To be fair, I'm an independent student, thus don't require my parents income to complete the form. However... The FAFSA does need to be changed, but not because it's complex or difficult. Fill out estimated numbers in early January, file your taxes, file a correction. How is this a difficult form? It takes me 20 minutes, if I had to enter my parents' financial information it would take an hour, not because it's too complicated but because there's more information to input. The FAFSA needs to be changed because it fails to adequately assess student financial needs. For one thing, the federal government's standards for 'independent' students is ridiculous. For another, it fails to take into account that when non-students begin school, their income changes. It may work for fresh-out-of-high-school kids, but for adults returning to school, it's obscenely flawed. And those are just the irritations that have made it difficult to impossible for me to attend school once I completed my FAFSA. It's not the FAFSA that needs to be changed, it's the entire system for funding higher education in this country.

3) I <3 Wall-E
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